It was 2020, I was isolated and didn’t have my support system. I also was living in a temporary situation where I didn’t see myself bringing my baby home right after giving birth. At 28 weeks I was diagnosed with ICP, a condition that causes you to have itchy feet, palms, lightened stools- your liver is failing. I had to take medication called Ursodiol to help me process fats and help my liver function. I had to get weekly non stress tests, blood draws, and ultrasounds to ensure the baby and my uterus were still alive and functioning. In many cases, ICP causes your uterus to stop functioning and stillbirth is a very real possibility. I had to be induced right at 37 weeks as a preventative measure. It was tough managing the fear of ICP, Covid, and not being able to connect with anyone in person for support. The fear of losing my baby was so unbearable I just lived day to day with prayers and holding on to the hope of my baby being okay.I was able to connect virtually to my family by sharing my journey and weekly updates through social media. I connected to my faith and my husband was a rock to me at that time.It took me a few weeks to find an online support group that was able to share resources and emotional validation about my condition. But it was not a very known condition so it felt isolating at first. After my baby’s birth I found joy and relief in doing training and participating in triathlons. I needed to feel strong again. I needed to conquer my body and feel like I had control to what it did. I joined a community of athlete mamas that met six feet apart, together, in the outdoors.To be honest, living in rural Alaska and coming from an urban culture really felt challenging. But not only that, everyone at that time felt isolated- whether they lived in rural Alaska or the DFW metropolis. I am so grateful for the new experiences and confidence that part of my life brought my way. I was NEVER a runner, or an athlete for all that matter. But through my postpartum experience, I found my healing through connecting with myself and finding the strength within myself, my faith and my husband that would normally go to friends or a therapist. All those are good, but being 2020, that was not an option- and because of that, I found a strength from within that I wouldn’t have otherwise. I am so blessed.
