February 2021 I got the diagnosis of non alcoholic fatty liver disease and gal bladder stones after suffering several intense indigestion issues, cholestasis of pregnancy, severe abdominal pain and vomit, etc. I had used the excuse of being a mom of five for being so overweight, using food as a tool for coping, and living a sedentary life style. I was a little over 240 pounds. And I said, “enough is enough, I am not going to die, I won’t let my excuses hold me back”. I began slow, really slow… A walk around the block with babies in carrier or stroller would leave me w/o air. I listened to books as I worked out or throughout my day: The Bible, Can’t Hurt Me, David Goggins, The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin, The Five AM Club, others, all in Audio because my excuse before was I don’t have time. I had to sacrifice my mornings to get work outs in and reading done. I decided to begin to train for triathlon as a way to keep me on a schedule and have something to look forward to. I decided to lead a hiking group and for accountability to be there, with my kids. I carried, pushed, dragged my kids if I had to and saw it as ‘resistance training’. I fell off my bike, ate dirt, snot-ugly cried as I ran & biked, face my fear of lake water (too much Lake Placid, Deep Blue Sea, etc) I hurt my knees, I got my feelings hurt, I messed up on reverted back to eating unhealthy and got gal bladder/ liver attacks, I have spent many nights throwing up bile and spit, I have cried as I broke the chains that bound my mind. I have fought a daily, constant battle. I have failed, and continue to practice failing and hold my failures as trophies because failing has been tough to break into, fear of failure and rejection has kept me back so many times so now when I do something and fail, I feel I have won. I have chosen my hard, because being sick and depressed and a victim of my circumstances is hard. But so is failing often, and discipline, and eating healthy. But when you chose your hard, its so much easier to go through it. In October for my driver’s license renewal I was able to update my weight to 195lbs. Thanks to my family for chipping in and loving me fiercely through weak me, and strong me. And to all the friends that have levelled up with me in mood and body. :
Mending hearts, mending relationships, mending life… Because there's hope.
